What Grace Is Mine

I've been dwelling on this song as I've been thinking through my trip to Ecuador and what has happened in my life the past few months....It speaks to my heart.

What grace is mine that He who dwells in endless light 

Called through the night to find my distant soul 

And from his scars poured mercy that would plead for me 

That I might live and in his name be known  

So I will go wherever He is calling me 

I lose my life to find my life in Him 

I give my all to gain the hope that never dies 

I bow my heart, take up my cross and follow Him  

What grace is mine to know His breath alive in me 

Beneath his wings my wakened soul may soar 

All fear can flee for death's dark night is overcome  

My Saviour lives and reigns forevermore 

 

~What Grace Is Mine, Keith and Kristyn Getty  

"I wish I could go on a missions trip....."

"I wish I could go on a missions trip....."

I've heard this from many friends over the years...ranging in age from 15-60.  My answer is always one you may not want to hear....

"Ok.  Go."

The responses vary.

"But, I have work and......."

"But it's so expensive!"

"I'm scared."

"I just don't think this is the right season" 

Can I say something honestly?  It will NEVER be the right season.  Things will always get in the way, you'll never have enough money in your bank account to make you feel comfortable about going, you may never have enough vacation time, and the fear will only subside if you start walking in faith. 

I know that not everyone can realistically go on missions trips.  But I've watched people in their 60s without great health go on trips, never complaining, although I can tell they are exhausted.

I've watched God provide over $10,000 for me to travel to four countries in one year.  I've watched him work in the midst of me having two to three jobs, going to school full time, balancing a social life, and losing someone close to my heart. 

And I think that's precisely the point.  If I had been able to do all of that on my own strength, I may have looked like a super hero.  But I COULDN'T do it on my own.  Because I took one step at a time, all the while following God's voice, I was rewarded in amazing ways.  Sometimes I felt like I was going to walk off of a cliff.  But He was always there, ready to guide me to the next step. 

I love what I read in my Dear Jesus devotion (by Sarah Young) this morning:
"Your weakness is the ideal stage for the exhibition of my power....watch while I perform great things for you" ~Jesus

I couldn't do any of this with my own power.  But He could.  And because I was faithful to listen, He has worked in amazing ways: in my life and in the lives of others.

So what are you waiting for?  Take a leap.   The people who love you most might say you are crazy, you'll be stretched, and maybe stressed....But He will ALWAYS be there to catch you.  He is walking before, behind, and on either side of you.  So start walking. 

Home....part 2

I've been surrounded lately by the word "sustainable."  It's a hot vocab word in the circles I hang out in, and is the topic of many conversations.  What can we do in missions and ministry that is really sustainable in the sense that it is more helpful than hurtful to the people we are trying to work with?  And in my heart I was questioning my decision to go to Ecuador, and asking myself, "Is it sustainable?"

Not in the sense that most people would define it.  We don't create long-term jobs for people while we're overseas, we can't build long-lasting relationships, and we can't create a long-term care program.  But we CAN do something that is more important than any of that.

I think in our good desire to do things that are sustainable, we lose sight of what's really sustainable.  Because we know that someday all of this will slip away, and all we will have left is our relationship with Jesus.

In Ecuador, we planted the seed of the Gospel in people's hearts and lives, we encouraged believers who were growing weary, and we saw people come to know Jesus.  THAT is sustainable.

And watching the students on the trip grow, lay down their struggles and sins at the foot of the cross, cry, laugh, and believe....THAT was and IS sustainable.

The change that happens in the lives of the students and leaders on the trip is always life-altering....and that is part of what the trip is about.  When we are pushed beyond our limits, lots of times we see, feel, and hear things we normally wouldn' t.      

"Home"

I apologize to all my readers.  I really failed at keeping up with my blog.  Most mornings I woke up at 5:30 or 6 and most nights I went to bed around midnight, struggling to keep my eyes open.  But God did so many cool things, and this is my effort to redeem not keeping you posted while I was actually in country. :)

Before I left, I had conversations with a few people that what I was doing was not "sustainable" in the sense that the teams and I were not going overseas to do work that would create long-term jobs for the people of Ecuador, or change their lives in similar ways.  BUT....we introduced them to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and THAT will forever change their lives. 

For me, this trip is never solely about me going to minister to the people in the country we are going to.  It's about me ministering to the STUDENTS on our trip, and equipping them to SHARE the gospel with the native people in whatever country we go to.  And I watched them grow in many amazing ways. 

Students shared their intense struggles, and I watched God redeem their stories and give them peace, encouragement, and hope. 

Although I am exhausted in every way, coming home is always a struggle for me.  It's like I was a complete puzzle in Ecuador, using literally all the gifts God has given me....and then I come home, and pieces are missing that I left there.  Many are pieces of my heart. 

When I go on these trips, I am able to use all of the gifts God has given me:
I can speak Spanish, I can use my counseling skills, I can use my knowledge of Autism and special needs, I can lead and be organized and use my Communications tools, I can love on the students, I can sing, and I can dance.  I can't even begin to explain how it feels to use every gift Jesus has so graciously placed in my arsenal.  It is so life fulfilling.  And so this is why coming home always hurts in a way, even though I am so excited to see my family and friends and the people and places I love here.  When I come home, I feel incomplete again. 

Even though It's been about three years since I took my last Spanish class, those years in middle school, high school, and college paid off, and it all comes flooding back as soon as I start seeing and hearing the language again.

Although I don't have my master's degree in counseling, I have walked through many valleys that counselors help people through myself, and that experience has been invaluable for me.  I have watched God use and redeem my story in amazing ways, if only I am willing to share it with others.

I used what I have learned in the past 8 months about children with Autism and other special needs children, to talk with and relate to a Mom and her son with special needs in a park in Quito, and to talk with Moms on the trip about people in their lives with special needs.

I came alive when I was able to use the things I was learning in school about Communication and the gifts God has given me to be a leader to work on flight details, event planning, being a personal assistant to speakers, and to assist in leading a team. 

And last, but certainly not least...my students.  How I love them.  They gave me hope and encouragement, and I was privileged to watch them grow and step up to what was being asked of them, even when they were tired and hungry.  I am so proud of them.  God intertwined our lives in amazing ways, and I will miss all of them dearly. 


But never will I doubt that Jesus has a reason for me to be HERE right now.  I have begun to see how he is using me at my places of work, and that the things I am learning in school and want to learn in grad school are things that are much needed in countries around the world, that we take for granted here in the United States.  But the waiting is awful. 

#homesickforEcuador

Last day of ministry

Today is our last day of ministry.  I apologize for the shortage of posts.  I've been busier with various responsibilities than I anticipated.  :)

I don't want to leave.  I was talking to a friend yesterday, and I understand why I love these missions trips so much.  God allows me to use nearly every gift He has given me in one day, every day, for more than two weeks.

I can use my organizational and event planning skills, my experience with high school and junior high students, my knowledge of counseling, my Spanish, my writing, my knowledge of how to work with kids, and even my knowledge of working with special needs kids.  Almost every day.  Leaving this to return to "normal" life where I am sometimes able to use my gifts and sometimes not, will be very difficult for me. 

Ecuador is my favorite country.  The landscape and the people here are so beautiful.  I could see myself living here someday.  I was smitten with it since I first saw it four years ago, and my love for Ecuador has only grown since then. 

God has done some amazing things in and through my team and others on this trip.  Hundreds of people have come to know Jesus, students have shared heavy burdens with each other, and on and on it goes. 

Please pray for energy and strength as we wrap things up here, as we deal with the logistics of returning a couple hundred people back to the U.S. and as tearful goodbyes are said.  That God would comfort us with the knowledge that we will be a family together forever someday. 

Soli Deo Gloria

Update

"I found my life
When I laid it down
Upward falling
Spirit soaring
I touched the sky
When my knees hit the ground"

This song rang true for me yesterday on my team's first day of ministry at a Christian street kids ministry in Quito.  I found a little girl whom I became very attached to.  We went swinging together, and then she climbed on my back and we went down a slide that was a bit faster than I anticipated.  And so I face-planted into the dirt.

First, we touched the sky
Then my knees hit the ground

It was such a fun day.  My conversational Spanish comes back to me instantly once I'm surrounded by it.   So I spent a majority of my day speaking in Spanish to street children...some of whom understood English but didn't speak it.

I felt at home.  In my element.  Speaking Spanish with little children who are the least of these.  My heart was full, and I didn't want to leave.

After Ellie died in May, God gave me and others who knew Ellie a sign that revealed his love and promise to care for us.  Butterflies, especially blue butterflies.  They appeared everywhere I looked.  And they still do.

When my team arrived at the hotel yesterday morning around 2:30 AM after a full day of travel and 48 hours with about five hours of sleep for me, I was very tired.  But shortly after I walked into the hotel, a butterfly flitted in and out.  And the tears filled my eyes.

Yesterday at the street childrens' ministry, when my team walked inside the gated area, the first thing I saw a butterfly that flew around as we entered, and when I entered the small building where meals are served by a church for the street children, I saw many colors of paper butterflies on the wall.  God's presence was very real to me yesterday.

And when little girls saw my necklace I was wearing, which is a heart shaped glass locket with a pair of ballet shoes and a blue bead inside, they loved to touch it.  One of the girls asked me about it, and in my less than perfect Spanish ;) I said "Es para mi hermana que vive en el cielo."  (It's for/in memory of my sister who lives in heaven.  The little girl, whom I was holding, laid her head on my shoulder and said "Oh... Lo siento" (I'm sorry) and sunk into me.

God has been so faithful to use children to touch my heart and to heal it, and yesterday was no different.  <3


The picture above is what my arm looked like yesterday and still does today.  The children "tattooed" me with various words, and a rough translation is "We will never forget you, you are extraordinary, very happy, and full of love."